One of the toughest tasks when planning a wedding is finalising your guest list. It's second only to the seating plan!
Here we share four pieces of general advice and wisdom for people struggling to pull together their final guest list. We want you to know you are not alone, it's a really difficult job, there are a lot of things to consider, and we understand your pain.
We hope you find a helpful nugget of advice, or perhaps something you haven't considered before. It's our aim to ease some of the stress and give you the encouragement (and permission if you need it) to do things your way in a style that suits you.
Let's get into it!
Advice #1- Be firm with your family
If you haven't caught up with members of your family in a long time, don't feel obliged to invite them. Your wedding is not a family reunion. If your parents want to catch up with their extended family members, tell them to organise a family reunion as a separate event, it doesn't need to be tacked onto your wedding, especially if you and your partner are paying for it. Same goes with friends of your parents, especially if you've never met them before or if they didn't play a vital role in your lives. Be firm and stay true to you.
Advice #2 - Stick to the rules
If you come up with a rule, for example no cousins, or no kids, or no plus ones except for people you know, put this in place for both sides and stick to it no matter what. It can be super awkward if you put a rule in place for some people, and not for others.
Advice #3 - No justification is necessary
You don't need to defend your guest list. If you want an intimate wedding and that means you are only inviting 20 of your nearest and dearest, that's okay, in fact, that's awesome! Don't feel like you have to defend your choices to anyone.
If you are worried about people taking it personally if they're not invited, then start mentioning that you're having an intimate wedding as soon as possible. That way, if they don't end up getting an invite, they'll be less likely to take it personally as you'd already mentioned you'd wanted a smaller wedding.
Advice #4 - Pay for it yourself if you can't please the parents
If your parents are paying some money towards your wedding, especially if they're covering a decent amount of the budget, it can add an extra layer of complication to all matters, especially the guest list. If you're not seeing eye to eye, there are some things you can do to help.
If the guest list is getting stressful due to pressure from your parents, I'd recommend reconnecting with the ultimate vision for your wedding. What do you and your partner really want from the day? What are the most important priorities? What is your budget?
Then ask yourself - can you afford a wedding that hits all your most important priorities without the help of your parents?
This is something worth thinking about if you believe it will minimise the stress, minimise the pressure, and make it easier to make decisions.
Here's another couple of ideas if you're finding it difficult to match your ideas with your parents.
Attribute a percentage of invites to each set of parents, for example 10% to each set of parents. Give them a number of invites each and let them decide who to invite. Don't give them any extras.
Attribute a percentage of invites to each set of parents, but base the amount on how much they are contributing to your wedding. Again, stick to the number you've decided, don't be lenient to one set of parents and not the other.
As mentioned earlier, whatever rule you decide is best, be sure it's fair and then make sure you stick to it.
We really hope these pieces of general advice have helped you make some decisions on your wedding guest list. Thank you for taking the time to read this post, feel free to check out some of our other blog posts for more advice on your wedding guest list.
- The Little Wedding Planner team
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